I just want to start by saying how hard it is to write this and how much i have gone forwards and backwards as to whether to send this out but hey, here goes!
I am in a weird place
A place where im questioning a lot of what im doing and dwelling on a few things
I think its a perfect time for me to talk about struggles
When you help others a lot its very rare that you put yourself first and ignore your own struggles.
I do this a lot!
Its something i promised myself in my New Years Resolutions that i wouldn’t do and surprise surprise i have already failed at it!
2 Years ago i suffered my first ever attack of Anxiety. I was into my second year of being self employed and the main bread winner in my family and had taken a lot on trying to learn a new trade and supporting my wife and 2 children and hit a point where i had a huge drop in business.
I became very scared and stressed and became one of these shouty dads.
I literally took it all out on my wife and Kids and it was unfair.
So, i took myself off to the doctors and explained to him how i was feeling, im not going to lie, this was a very hard thing to do.
He passed me on a phone number of a counsellor and off i went.
A whole week later i decided to ring this number and agreed in my head that i didn’t want to continue how i was. I had also considered quitting my self employed job which i was very good at but could not see an end to the stress.
It turned out after having a questionnaire over the phone that i was in fact suffering from anxiety.
The anxiety was being fuelled by the drop in business and the thought of not being able to provide for my family and also not having enough time away from work.
Fast forward to last August where i had been in business for 3 years and the Anxiety hit again and this time it was much worse.
The worse part this time was i had a very successful business and i started to freeze. I was waking up with work to do and couldn’t do it, i didnt want to and i started letting a lot of people down.
I started shouting a lot again and i was a nightmare to be around. I had a game face which i was putting on at sessions and deep down i was truly unhappy.
My relationship with my wife was effected in a big way and my kids were unfairly shouted at a lot.
Why am i sharing this?
Well, we all have our struggles and sometimes it does us good to get them out in the open.
Over the past week i have also started feeling the anxiety creeping in and have once again made phone calls to speak to a counsellor.
Being self employed in a job where you deal with other people’s emotions and place a lot of pressure on yourself to deliver can be a lonely place.
When we keep these things inside they build up and keep building until we self destruct, usually through poor eating, get shouty or just start generally being an arsehole like me!
I had an email last week from someone who does not know me who is on my email list, the email was from a post i wrote trying to help people and it said
“It must be great being so perfect”
Now i know we shouldn’t always listen to other people’s views on us however its hard and im sure we would agree we all try to be accepted and like being accepted!
Well, im not perfect, i have my own demons like everyone else, in fact, i probably hide them more than everyone else because im always putting everyone else first.
I like to write blog posts like this that can maybe helps others see that i have been through things like this and can help by lending an ear.
Everything i have written to do with nutrition is a combined effort of courses i have been on, ongoing education and also from my own weight loss journey that i still battle with on a daily basis.
Experience is the best educator and sometimes we all need to admit that we are not perfect and that we all need help.
I provide expertise in exercise and nutrition coaching and provide a supportive environment for all clients to share their own experiences and we all learn from them.
We don’t judge, we accept that we are all human fighting our own battles and we accept that we all need some support every now and then.
The question is
Do you have struggles daily/weekly? Do you self sabotage and are you actually aware of it and have you sought help?
Investing some time into a councillor for my anxiety has been the best thing i have ever done because i can talk to someone who knows what im going through.
Investing in a PT for my own training has also been invaluable as i dont need to worry about writing my own training program, i simply book the session into my diary and turn up!
My struggles are not something i want to pressurise my wife/family with.
Take some time to sit down today and think of your struggles and write them down, it will help you get started on the path to facing them head on rather than putting up with them and making yourself feel worse.
If you don’t have any struggles, lets be honest you are either very lucky or you are lying to yourself